Who DOES that?!

Seriously, who does that?

The following incedints have actually happened to me, which makes me wonder about the future of humanity.

Situation A

I was at a birthday party where I didn’t know anybody else but the birthday child. In those situations I’m always scared of making a fool out of myself but that feeling showed out to be unfounded this time, since there was someone who made a bigger fool out of themselves. This guy had clearly had too much to drink and every time he saw me he came up to me and wanted to talk. Oh my god, he wanted to touch me and hug me as well. Constantly. I couldn’t understand one single word he was saying either but I played along and smiled and nodded. This guy stumbled in to furniture and fell and pulled the table cloth with him. Luckily the hostess saw that it was about to happen and managed to save the cake while someone else grabbed the table cloth so the cups and plates didn’t hit the floor. When I showed this guy that I wanted to socialise with other people he stumbled away muttering to himself. I watched him go up to a group of girls who were giggling and laughing loudly. He stopped in front of the group, watched them for a bit and then he started to laugh really really loud, a weird fake laugh which sounded like a mixture of a witch and a cat in pain. The girls got quiet and then they started to laugh uncontrollably, tears running down their cheeks while the obnoxious guy kept laughing his fake laugh. All of a sudden he lost interest in the group and went in to the kitchen where he started eating fruit salad straight from the serving bowl, using his bare hands. Who does that?!

Situation B

A chiwawa is shaking despite it wearing clothes; and the morning sun shines its weak-spring-beams over it. The dog’s owner is an old lady, sipping her espresso and reading her newspaper. It’s clear that she’s not a person who likes a fuzz. I’m walking along the street with a friend by my side. We’re quiet since it’s still early and we have a goal – I’m accompanying him to the doctor’s office and he knows it’s not going to be a pleasant encounter. As we get closer to the coffee shop he spots the shivering chiwawa and stops. His eyes get bigger and he stares at the dog. Then he starts to smile, you know one of those warm smiles that comes from deep inside, like when you see a really old person who has pimped up their zimmer frame with glitter. Without any doubt he starts to run towards the chiwawa and doesn’t stop until he’s at the lady’s table. He squats down so he can see the dog and starts to go “woof woof woof woof” without breathing in between the barks. When the chiwawa starts shaking more, backing away and nervously looking at its owner, my friend starts crawling in under the table to get closer to the poor animal while he’s still barking. Who does that?!

Situation C

We’re a group of people who meet every Thursday at the Swedish church to sing. After we’ve sung we usually have fika* and talk for a few hours. One of my friends there is a real centre-of-attention-whore, to say the least. While the rest of us sing and practice motions to our songs, she stands in front of us rockin’ it out like there’s no tomorrow. She sings louder than everybody there and she doesn’t even know the words. Sometimes she takes her shirt off because she gets so sweaty from the dancing and just throws it on the floor – like one of us is going to pick it up! When we’re done and it’s time for coffee and cinnamon buns she always steals other people’s buns, straight off their plates. Once she wanted to taste MY COFFEE and I told her to get her own cup. Come on, it’s all for free. She got so angry and answered with putting her whole hand in my cup. Who does that?!

Situation D

I have a friend who, when he gets tired, gets lost with his eyes. It’s like he’s taking a nap but with the eyes fully open and he doesn’t seem to know that his eyes get stuck, focused on one specific spot when this happens. I love this guy, we have so much fun together, but I never know when this will happen and I never seem to be prepared. One time, we had been for a long walk in the botanical gardens and as we took the tram back it happened. I was talking (as usual) and then I noticed he turned very quiet and his look was focused on an old man sitting across from us. The old man smiled insecurely and said “hi”, since my friend was staring at him without a flinch. After a few minutes the old man got so uncomfortable that he changed seats and I was so embarrassed. My friend was still staring at the empty spot where the man had sat and I thought “no, please don’t sit here”, as a young, slimey, wall street-ish looking guy talking extremely loudly on the phone sat down, right there. It didn’t take long before he noticed my friend’s piercing glare. At first he didn’t take any notice, just kept talking on his phone and looking out the window. Then, all of a sudden my friend came out of his coma, put his finger on his lips and went “Sch! Sch! Sch!”. The guy stopped talking and looked at my friend with a shocked and surprised face. The rest of the commuters started to laugh as my friend applauded. Who does that?!

Answers to who does that in these situations:

Situation A
My son

Situation B
My son

Situation C
My son

Situation D
My son

The kind of behaviour described in the situations above wouldn’t be ok anywhere, if they were preformed by grown ups. When it’s a baby doing,  it on the other hand, people just smile and tilt their heads. Iggson can walk up to a random person on the street and start making his tiger sound and then move on. His victim would just laugh and say something in the way of “your son is adorable”. Iggson gets away with anything, absolutely anything.           Until he turns 5.

 

*Fika is a Swedish thing where you sit down for a coffee and/or buns and/or cake and/or cookies at 3 pm. It usually lasts between 30 minutes (very rarely) up to 3 hours (much more common).